The Language of Becoming

What were the recurring messages whispered in your ear as you were growing up?

You have to be perfect?

You’re not good enough?

You are college material?

Both the positive and negative messages stick with us.
In the movie,” The Help”, the African -American nanny, Minny, gives her charge the message : ”You is smart.You is kind. You is pretty”. She whispers these thoughts of self-esteem frequently and they provide loving support and comfort at a crucial moment in the film.

The vernacular is not Midwestern white middle class grammar but the message is so powerful for a small child. The well- known Latin American author, Isabelle Allende, says
“Although as an adult you may feel powerful, the little girl is still
crouching inside.” Strong positive messages build character strength in moments when
we need it.

How do we nurture ourselves when we are in the process of changing our old
speech patterns and reinforcing new ones?

The best way to deepen changes is to use positive affirmations. Some books on affirmations suggest that you tell yourself you have the qualities you desire, although you are not there
yet. “I am brave. I am confident ” may not ring true for you at the moment
you feel scared. Stretching the truth may not feel authentic. I would like
to suggest self -talk in the Language of Becoming to bridge that gap to feel
more congruent.

In yoga classes, the instructor Chrissy Mignogna , uses the language of
transformation. She intentionally uses ing verbs and language that is with
you where you are. This subtly acknowledges the hesitations but constantly
nudges us to stretch and encourage growth. I call this ” The Language of
Becoming.” We verify that we are well grounded. We sense where we are.
Simultaneously, we enrich our minds with goal oriented messages.

Rather than saying, “I am strong. I am healthy.” when you are not yet
there, it’s better to say “I am becoming stronger. I am becoming healthier through all the good choices
I am making.”

Let’s look at how this plays out in the media. The first example of mass media in the
Western world was the Bible. Moses was called upon to lead the Israelites
before he had the speaking skills he needed for the job. The Spiritual Voice
from the burning bush said, “ I am what I am. I am present.”Acceptance and
acknowledgement of a situation is the first step toward improving it.

Moses had to overcome his fear of speaking to lead his people out of Egypt. It is said that Moses demonstrated stuttering , which is complex , learned audible frustration beyond normal dysfluencies.Modern research shows that most people who stutter have a physiological predisposition to this speech disorder.Moses was highly motivated to communicate . He also had a back up plan… his brother, Aaron. Do you think Moses could sing?

Just a few months ago, another famous media person also used the Language of
Becoming to achieve his goal.Remember Lazaro Arbos on American Idol? He struggled with his stuttering in speech but sang with fluency, perfect melody , and good timing. What did he tell
himself to prepare for the interview? What do you think his coach told him?

He knew he had to talk in order to show his well honed talent in singing. He had to tell himself, “ I am
becoming a more fluent speaker.” in order to showcase his singing. He had to risk moving beyond his stuttering to get to the next level.

Accepting who you are and where you are in your life was also part of the
process of becoming King George IV of England. The movie, “The King’s Speech” depicts
Prince Albert as a person who stutters severely. His Royal Highness seeks help from pioneer speech
therapist , Lionel Logue , to gain confidence in his public speeches, especially over radio broadcasts.
Both Lazaro and Prince Albert knew that they had to work to overcome their fears of speaking whether to become a contestant or become the King of England. With the help of their coaches, Lazaro and Prince Albert had to resist avoidance and work their way though their worst fears.

Whether in speech, singing, leadership, yoga or king making, the
right coach at the right time makes a difference. The personal touch of the
coach is a sharing of positive energy. When the student is ready the
teacher appears.The coach helps you see the “open sesame” of possibilities and the path towards
becoming your best self.

The Lip Hat Sensation!

It’s all around town! It’s been seen at the Mall of America – “Passage to China” Exhibit . It’s been spotted at the Multicultural Forum attracting smiles of fans. It’s been photographed at the Government Procurement Fair at Earl Brown Center!

It’s cool! It’s chic! It’s saucy! What is this whimsical bit of satin and veil?

Lip Hat Sensation

It’s the jaunty Lip Hat… the new symbol of Accent Wisdom-EthCom. It made a brief sneak preview at the Multicultural Forum last year, but recently it’s been making appearances everywhere.

This ruby red fascinator is sported by it’s co-designer, Marlene Schoenberg, to celebrate the new divisions in Ethnic Communication Arts.

Crowds gather to become Lip Hat fans. People are so curious about it. How does it float in the air yet stay on the head? Who designed it? Where did the idea come from? How was it made?

At Prince William’s wedding to Kate Middleton, many female guests wore unusual little hats. Some were lovely and some odd. These were fascinators: millinery creations mounted on headbands.

In the New York Times Fashion section, I noticed another odd thing: models wearing black stocking caps with netted veils. Ugh! That would not fly in Minnesota. However, the idea sparked me to add an alluring veil to our creation.

I have utilized a big moveable satin Lip Pillow to demonstrate speech positions since the early 90’s. It’s on the cover of my first book, Pronunciation for Career Growth. Workshop participants always loved it and wanted to know how I made it.

Thus, the confluence of the fascinator, veil and red satin lips began to take shape.

To produce it, I needed the talent of a fiber artist. The spotlight went to my associate, Mariela Continenza, whose craft designs and imaginative sewing projects are extraordinary.

In a few minutes, she designed, stuffed and sewed a mini version of the satin lips. With 3M Superglue and 3M Double Sticky Tape, we mounted them on a satin covered cardboard base, glued them to the headband, added some black veil and TADAA! The Lip Hat was born, ready to make the rounds.

This month, we celebrate the first anniversary of the Lip Hat’s debut. We’re giving lips good press. After all, if you know how to move your lips to speak American English clearly, your listeners will be captivated by what you have to say. Lips speak volumes!

Surviving the Memories of “Argo” and the Boston Marathon Blasts

I had just finished watching Ben Affleck’s Academy Award winning movie “Argo”. America was shocked by the violent takeover of our embassy in Tehran in 1979. The hostage crisis went on for months. At that time, we did not know about Tony Mendez’ creative efforts to save six Americans hidden at the Canadian embassy. His “mock movie crew scheme” saved lives.

In that movie, in a tense airport scene, the best Farsi speaker on “the movie crew” diverted the attention of young revolutionary soldiers, who tried to prevent the group from boarding the plane. Through the language of imagination, he enticed them to let down their guard with story board science fantasies. Although we knew the outcome of the movie, Ben Affleck kept us at the edge of our seats until the last moment. Little did he know that a graduate of his own high school would foment another infamous international event 33 years later.

I thought times had changed. After 9/11, we built an intensive Homeland Security System. We believed that something as heinous as the attack on the N.Y. Twin Towers could never happen again on U.S. soil.

As soon as I switched off “Argo’s” final movie credits, I went to the kitchen and was smacked with the first horrendous news report of the Boston Marathon Blasts. The date was April 15^th, 2013.

Three were dead with over 200 injured, with losses of runners’ precious lower limbs. A Chinese graduate student in Statistics, Lu Lingzi, from my alma mater, Boston University, was killed as well as an innocent child. I was thousands of miles away but became numb with grief. The carnage at the finish line transformed my beloved Copley Square into a domestic war zone.

Copley Square holds a deep place in my heart and my professional education.As a graduate student at Boston University, living on Bay State Road, in the shadow of the CITGO sign at Kenmore Square, I spent many hours at Copley Square. My wise mentor and thesis adviser, Frances Johnston, lived in an elegant apartment building on Boylston Street facing the Square.

Our routine for 2 days a week was to ride the trolley, visit preschools and interview 4 year olds for our research on language and fluency. Then we would go back to my mentor’s apartment, analyze our data, have lunch and watch the news. It was fun and I learned so much.

I used to say that I had a blast talking to those kids! Now the word “blast” seems sacrosanct when remembering Copley Square and my time in Boston.

It was surreal to discover that the “weapon of such destruction” was a pressure cooker. When I was in 5^th grade, I experienced a pressure cooker mini blast at a neighbors’ house. A moment before the cooker blew its lid, we took cover under the kitchen table. The top of the cooker rocked violently and then with a hiss and an ear-shattering bang, hot tomato sauce splattered the ceiling. We were grateful that it wasn’t blood and lucky that the lid didn’t catapult into anyone’s face. From that day on, I knew pressure cookers were dangerous.

Who could imagine the deadly scene at the Copley Square finish line with a devastating pressure cooker explosion spewing shrapnel,  nails, ball bearings and bee bees?

My heart goes out to the  innocent victims and families of those who have lost lives and limbs. I will continue to dedicate my life to therapy, healing and inspiring hope.

Copley Square has been changed forever. I hold fast to my good memories of that special place, just as runners will continue to strive to win Boston Marathons in the future.

Accent Wisdom at the Multicultural Forum

The accent expert is in the roaming mode but still easily accessible! For many years, I have participated in the Multicultural Forum, as a planning committee member, presenter on “Speech Mentoring” and as a resource fair exhibitor. This year, I will be a mobile participant. In case you are looking for my booth, look for my ruby red lip hat (designed by Mariela Continenza) on Wednesday, April 10^th. You can also set up appointments with me on Thursday morning by leaving a message on my office phone, 651-699-9233.

This year, I look forward to meeting past and future clients and sponsors in person or virtually through Face Time. I will have coupons for a free Face Time follow up session for former clients who refer a friend or colleague. You can also get a $3 discount coupon for ordering my book, “Speech Insights for Success”. Orders can be sent by e-mail to marlene.expert@accentwisdom.com

Together, we can team up for speech clarity and respectful listening to bring your career to the next level.

I like your accent.Is it working for you?

The Accent Expert is in! Look for me at the Forum!